Pet Talk

This category contains 2 posts

The Idiot’s Guide To Why Love is a Scam

The world’s wisest dog tells you why he prefers bones to boning. My name is Postopotamus Dragonfyre. I am a six-year-old Labrador retriever and I am celibate by choice. Your sniggers do not bother me. ‘Celibate by choice’ is not a euphemism for ‘can’t get laid’. Not that it matters, but several beautiful and nubile … Continue reading

Pet Talk: 7 Things I Try To Tell My Humans But They Don’t Listen

Humans don’t know how to live. I would know, I have stayed with them for four years, which is the entirety of my life. During this time, I have tried, almost every day, to show my humans what they are doing wrong, but they have proved as stubborn as beagles. In the hope that there … Continue reading